On the Benefits of Having a Woman’s Brain
I once completed one of those online quizzes the BBC are so good at supplying, via one of the numerous ‘science’ pages on their fairly successful website (alright very successful but I’m sure within a few hundred years you will all be speaking of mine in the same exalted tones).
I’m not usually one to take the time for this type of thing, I much prefer resting my brain these days than answering questions. My brain is getting very foggy, I have great difficulty for instance finding the instructions for opening my eyes first thing in the morning or remembering to actually turn the kettle on before pouring the water, cold off course, into my cup; but this particular quiz dangled a tantalising question before my (now open) eyes: ‘What sex is your brain?’. Being the inquisitive person I am, I just had to give it go.
Now I’m a man. The clue may well be in my name but, as you do actually find the odd Mary etc who is (was) a man, rather than a lady (hello all you John Wayne fans), then why not a few ladies named John or Dave or Herbert (I’m not going to count ladies here who wrote under a male pseudonym, George Elliot et al, I know they had their reasons but they were not legally named as such)?
I will confess here and now, I have no penchant for wearing lady clothes (though in the heat of a hot summer’s day, I can well see the benefit of a nice short skirt to help with the cooling of the nether regions).
I don’t wear make up, it does no good for my skin and I’m glad I didn’t go through a big New Romantic phase; it would have done my delicate fair complexion no good at all.
And so on completing the said quiz, I well expected to be given a nice chunk of points and a clear ‘your brain is all man’ result. But no, apparently I have a predominantly female computer in my noggin! Yes I have to admit I did panic for a while and found my self very sensitive whilst out shopping; I didn’t want people to think I was overtly glancing at the likes of Women’s Weekly or Esquire.
Now all you men out there, I know a good proportion of you have at some point in time had a good old look at these very same or similar magazines. You can’t really miss them with their bright primary coloured fascias and eye catching headlines such as: ‘I Married a Teenage Zombie who ate my Liver as She Watched TV’ or ‘A Tree Grew on my Head and I was terrorised by Apple Pickers’! But I would guess that you do it surreptitiously, just in case somebody questions your manliness (and to those of you men who are quite brazen about it, I solute you but really there are far better magazines out there, and I don’t mean Penthouse or Razzle).
And I am very well aware that the male species (ok it is gender but stereotypical ‘evidence’ does seem to indicate two separate types of creature), has a reputation for being lazy, not knowing where the washing machine is or what it does, watching large amounts of sport and drinking copious amounts of alcohol (mainly beers, lager and bottles of whisky, usually from the same glass whilst whistling Dixie) etc.
But apparently, according to the very same quiz and its supporting information, having all the opposite characteristics (yes I do the tidying thing, I don’t like beer that much though I have been known to down a half a lager in one on a blazing hot day and I don’t like football – of either type) indicates a female brain but, and here is the important bit (you can relax guys) it has nothing to do with sexuality!
Of course in this cosmopolitan age (note lower case ‘c’ please), this should not be a huge surprise, the human animal comes in a whole spectrum of varieties, but I will in future try to stick to the more usual regular quiz type subjects, ‘Name your favourite films stars’, ‘Find out your IQ’, ‘Are you a Smurf’ etc. Much safer I think, especially at my age, I get confused too much as it is.