On Ones Own Visage

What do you think of yourself?  Are you comfortable in your own skin?  When you look at yourself in the mirror (presuming you can and many people can’t) who do you see?  I can look, in fact in order to shave without creating a scene from a Stephen King book in the bathroom it’s essential, but I always see something or somebody different.  It’s not a psychic thing, I’m not seeing faces of ghosts and I’m not getting confused with the window (which can be embarrassing especially if naked and is likely to either get me arrested or remind my neighbours that we haven’t had a huge amount of quality summer around these parts).

But each time I do look I can either wonder if shaving is possible eventually in total darkness or that yes perhaps I do have some semblance of normality and perhaps the ladies may get a treat when I’m out and about (if it’s dark and they have their glasses safely hidden in a pocket or bag).  The other day I looked in the mirror and saw my father, which is fine he’s not a monster and has in fairness given me a large number of genes so I will have some resemblance but my dad is now in his ’70’s.  So I saw my face really as I imagine it will look at around about the same age!  It was a slight shock but it was very early in the morning.

I tend to think I look younger than I am, I certainly feel a whole lot younger than I am and the grey has only just started to push through with fine silver hairs visible close up (though my eyebrows have been silver since several years back for some strange reason though if you glance they do look blond(ish)).  I still have a full head of hair though it is getting thinner especially at the front!  There is some history of being follicularly challenged on my father’s side but I’m holding out that my mother’s genes will be the stronger (my grandfather still had a fullish head of hair and my uncle still has his mostly in place).

Anyway back to that mirror.  I do not spend hours admiring myself in it.  I look when I need to and when I want to pull a few faces to see how many wrinkles appear and then stay in place!  I’d say that I look as though I was pushing towards my 40’s, especially now I’ve lost a few pounds (and am desperately trying to keep it off – it is soooo darned hard, the call of the chocolate is sooo loud and persistent!).  But maybe I’m kidding myself, I’ve never seen myself as a ‘catch’, more a middling kinda guy, not the ugliest man around but not a ‘hunk’; I’d not get picked to model jumpers for catalogues anyway!  If I was an actor I’d get the quirky interesting friend roles, I’d be a less manic (and slightly slimmer) Jack Black, or a more nerdy Kevin Bacon.

I’m an avid people watcher and sometimes I catch myself wondering what others see or do they even notice me?  I even catch myself wondering ‘do any of these ladies see a fanciable chap or are they close to reaching for a sick bag?’  Of course sheer statists mean that everybody will be ‘fanciable’ to somebody but it alway makes me feel slight uncomfortable if I notice somebody looking; I wonder if I’ve not dressed properly or perhaps I remind them of an old teacher or pet.  I even wonder if they have seen something resembling an attractive human being and their poor little tickers have missed a beat (I know I must have had this effect a couple of times, I have had a couple of girlfriends in my past life (before I had my wife and three children, a mortgage, a dog, a cat and fulltime job) but then I was a lot younger of course.  It also makes me feel a little guilty, I don’t know why.

So what do you see?

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “On Ones Own Visage

  1. katyasozaeva

    I rarely like what I see when I look in the mirror, so I just don’t do it. I’m happier if I don’t know how haggard I’m looking … LOL

  2. I have to admit I don’t take extended looks at my image in the mirror. other than making sure my hair is properly combed and my face washed I’m no longer fascinated by my reflection. I have observed while working in the various period rooms of the museum, American, British & French teenage girls seem to be fascinated by their images. They take every opportunity to primp in front of mirrors that are 200 to 400 years old.

    For teenage girls every hair must be in place all the time and the makeup must be perfect. Often I watch my 17 year old niece get ready to meet her friends for a night out. I’ve never seen so much concern over hair placement, makeup, and achievement of facial perfection in one young woman. Sometimes I think back to when I was a teenager. My Dad used to tell me I had to get dressed up just to take out the garbage. I guess we are very concerned with our looks when we are young. I loved photos of myself. Now I dread having my picture taken.

    Now after a couple of exes behind me and dating a thing of the past I no longer really worry to much about how I look. Of course I’m neat, clean and presentable but that former obsession is long gone. After 50 the only thing makeup does for a woman is make you look like a clown. I might wear some lipstick if I have to attend an event but since I no longer have to impress men I can just be myself. Being 50+ allows me to concentrate on my spiritual and intellectual development. Physical perfection is an unattainable dream. I’d say at this point in life I’m comfortable in my own skin.

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