The Art of Falling Apart

Pehaps it’s a little dramatic?  The title has a certain rythmic measure.  In truth I’m not but I can feel the bonds loosen a little, it’s a feeling I get every now and then, when my comfort zone is challenged.  To some extent I’m quite used to it, it’s a constant theme from which I keep wrestling back some control, my being settles back in to its hole.

I am an introverted extrovert, or a person who has developed a mask I wear when I’m out and about that gives some a vision of being in control, calm, confident.  But within I’m still that 17 year old who couldn’t crack the barrier, who broke out in sweat worrying about speaking to strangers.

Of course some success breads confidence and part I of me knows I’ve achieved some things my 17 year old me wouldn’t believe.  Not massive things, no world records or multi-million pound businesses, but forging my way in the world and doing my job well and being a good father.

But it’s always there, ready to jump out.  Sometimes the mask is hard to keep on.

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