Monthly Archives: February 2013

Time

Alright I know I’ve written on this a little before but I’m afraid it’s getting me confused and not a little disoriented! Time and how to quantify it – I remember leaving school in 1982 (31 years ago) which sometimes feels like yesterday and other times like a hundred years. Thirty one years before I left school it as 1952 – before Rock’n’Roll before teenagers when the world was black and white and in the UK there was only one channel!

There doesn’t seem to me to be as much as a gap between 2013 back to 1982 than that between 1982 and 1952 or is that just me? There were computers and rock videos and TV and most of the products in the shops would seem very similar if we could go back to 1982 but go back to 1952 and it would seem a very long time ago! In 1982 there were period films and TV programmes about the ’50’s but do we feel the same nostalgia about the 80’s? Well maybe…

Ten years ago should seem like a long time ago but it doesn’t it feels like moments… Ah well… better get back to my ‘Best of 1980’ compilation (and see if I can find that video of Ashes to Ashes (the TV programme not the Bowie thingie…). Now if only I could get a bottle of Space Special!

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Ambition

In my efforts to be more positive I was thinking the other day about what drives people and what the difference is between the also rans and the winners? And relating that to me personally.

Despite my singular lack of quantifiable success in my chosen arts of music and writing, for instance I have no published works as yet (other than a modified academic dissertation on the merits of blended learning – you can still find this if you look hard enough on the Internet – in fact I have just spent an hour searching and I can no longer find it..). But does that make me a failure?

I can point to several aspects of my character and events in my life that perhaps could give some clues as to why you don’t see me name plastered over bedroom walls or a hot topic on the entertainment news. For a start I’ve read countless accounts of how the successful person sacrificed a ‘normal’ life in the pursuit of success: no happy love life, no settling for the ‘easy’ life no friends… perhaps I wasn’t ruthless enough?

I did sack one of my drummers in my ‘band’ days – the guitarist was really good and told me he’d stay if we fired the drummer; I did and he didn’t. She was not the hottest drummer in the world and really just starting out. But we were not the new Beatles anyway and at that stage were struggling to get gigs at local retirement homes! She was very dedicated and I felt so bad I still have bad dreams about it to this day – where are you now Louie Moon (and yes that really was her name but unfortunately no relation to Keith)?

Dedication. That’s what it takes. Well I am dedicated and I’m still trying as I approach my mid-century. I’ve had to sacrifice a mad rush for a steady attack which probably means that even if I did have any musical talent I have probably missed the boat (it sailed without me and they’ve since built a tower block where the quay was – I’ve been trying to extract myself from the foundations but they make the cement pretty tough these days).

With my writing (as with my song writing) I sometimes get a kick and think ‘yes that’s pretty good somebody should like this I should be massive!’ but that only last about a minute or so then it’s back to the day job (and wondering if I should fix the toilet seat first, look at my petrol costs for the week and if I can afford a holiday to Blackpool or not this year or ask myself if I should really splash out on a new CD this week)?

So do the really successful people forget about the basics (leave the toilet seat broken and forget holidays to exotic locations)? I think there are many people, probably really talented ones who’ve done the sacrifice thing and ended up broken and with nothing; you only hear about the successful ones not those left begging on street corners or pushing an old shopping trolley babbling into their long crusty beards ‘I coulda been a contender… I coulda been a star..’.

I’m hoping I get discovered which really means having the ‘luck’; a much misunderstood word which does need a bit of talent (though from the number of ‘famous’ people these days who don’t seem to have a talent for anything other than being ‘famous’ I’m not too sure about that) and being in the right place (or slush pile my fellow writers) at the right time.

The stories of very successful writers who have submitted their now lauded work so many times they had a block booking with the post office, only for a secretary or cleaner to rescue their magnum opus from the bin (and then have a word with the boss) is heart warming (but probably very rare – perhaps there may be a little more chance of a dodo being discovered in London Zoo posing as a penguin?).

Of course there are many people out there fooling themselves that they are the next big thing and perhaps they are wasting their lives plugging away with the vain hope that somebody will recognise their undoubted talent? Am I one of those? Well the point is I wouldn’t know (I’m really half way on this – sometimes I do find myself dreaming but usually another voice pops up and verbally slaps me awake).

I think with a little more time I have enough talent to get published and even if I don’t I like writing. I expect to spend my life doing exactly what I’m doing now and I don’t expect to get anywhere but that won’t stop me. And you never know some cleaner may see my manuscript and not use it to mop up her spilt coffee. Chances are though I’ll stay a very exclusive artist. Thank you and good night you’ve been a lovely audience – now where did I put my trolley?

(You an also find some positive success stories relating to my work here: http://www.connectingforhealth.nhs.uk/systemsandservices/icd/informspec/etd/tqicasestudies/northstaffs.pd – I’m still looking for my academic document…)

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Where Did the Time Go?

Firstly a profound apology – I once more find myself neglecting those who have supported me and followed me and helped me across the depths of cyberspace; I thought I’d post something up here only to notice that my last blog entry was November last year!  I did make a promise to be more proliferate (and I’d hoped the coffee would help get me back to that state of artistic enthusiasm I’d displayed before!).  But once again I let the real world – or at least the one that pays the bills and drives me to up the black coffee intake – push my artistic pursuits to one side.  And so I send you all my deepest apologies and I promise I will try.

Time does seem to slip like silky sand through my fingers, especially if I don’t keep an eye on things and all I wanted to achieve is left in a messy pile on the carpet (and it takes an age to vacuum it all up again).  So now I’m trying some positive thought to get me out of this ditch I fell into.  The sides looked far too steep to climb and for a while I was getting myself resigned to a life lived with the annoying pain of unfilled dreams.  The sides of the ditch seemed to be getting steeper and muddier and no matter how hard I tried to climb it just made my clothes damp and dirty and made me feel ever so tired and weary.

I’m not a religious person and I don’t believe in God (whichever God – and I know some of you do which is fine – I used to work for a Church based organisation of which there were several flavours of Christianity that some of my colleagues believed in so therefore in general religion was not discussed and therefore harmony was achieved).  I do believe in the power of people – it is within each of us a power for good and bad, an ability to create or destroy and that includes ourselves.  And so I started to try to believe in myself.

Now I’m not getting carried away, I’m not going to start thinking I’m the ‘new’ anything or any better than a million other people who write, sing, compose paint etc. but I am going to start believing that I have some talent, enough to continue and above all feel happy in it what I do.  Yes I’d love to have recognition which is where you wonderful people come in, a little bit of kindness and kind words go a long way.

In short I am trying to concentrate on the good things I have, to push those bad things to the back and not let their negative nagging get the better of me.  Well let’s see how it goes.

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