Max Wall – The New Style Guru!

I now have conclusive proof that a star of yesterday, indeed a veritable god of the music hall , is now the guru of fashion for many teenage girls the world over!

It suddenly hit me on a little shopping trip with my lovely wife as she grazed the ladies section of Primark.  I spent the time daydreaming as you do and nodding in all the right places (though it has to be said she nearly bought some quite garish leggings in a not very subtle mix of pink yellow and indigo).

As my mind meandered around various topics that included my next meal, if I’d ever get to mow the grass this year without risking electrocution and the intricate minutiae of world politics I noticed various gangs of young ladies, mobiles/cells clutched to breast, arms linked.  They hunted in packs, orange faces aglow, each with matching ‘bun’ hairstyles (though they did have some variety with blonde, ginger or black colour quite popular) with lower extremities crammed into tight leggings that looked as though they’d had an argument with the feet department.

Some ladies did have quit sensible shoes (delicate sandals etc.)  but others had quite plainly decided to were slightly heavier foot attire (just in case they were trampled by any careless heavy footed fellow shoppers I presume).  And for the life of me I couldn’t at first decide what or who they looked like!

Then it hit me.  Well slightly after my wife anyway – she didn’t appreciate the way my eyes were following the said lady gangs and being unable to read my mind had decided it was a lust thing rather than a puzzle thing!  The slap across my face did the trick and lo and behold the face of Max Wall appeared!

Now dear old Max has not been with us since 1990 – 23 years can you believe it!  So I very much doubt these fashion conscious young people will have heard of the comedian who died aged 82.  Max’s trade mark silly walk and tight leggings made them roll with laughter for many years but how clever of some fashionista, some savvy young designer to see a market for such garb…  now if only I could find another long-lost star to raise to these exalted heights of teenage coolness?  Here are a few suggestions:

Jules Leotard (yes a real person before you scoff)

Sir George Robey

Jimmy Cricket?

Ah well lets see shall we and if  you have any suggestions I would be ever so glad to see.

Living in the Future?

I have a dilemma.  I’m soaked in a society where the old mixes with  the new in a way seemingly unimagined by Sci Fi filmmaker of the past or indeed the general public.

It must be very hard to produce a film based in a future of say about 40 to 60 years from the present.  Just look at Bladerunner – an excellent gritty looking adventure set in Los Angeles in 2019, 6 years from now!  The film was made in 1982 (the year I left school so quite a long time ago) but I’m sure the venerable city doesn’t look too much different to how it did 30 years ago (though I’m sure if any of you are more familiar with the place you’ll tell me if I’m wrong?).

Even books can get it wrong (I’m thinking 1984 here though of course there is no Sci Fi wizardry in this classic book and looking at it from the 1940’s quite possible to imagine such a dystopian future).  None the less anything set in a future within our lifetimes does seem to replace everything rather than embellish it with the potential new.

I have noticed a tendency nowadays to set things in the ‘near’ future which can be a little bit of a copout.  It means they can use current land and city scapes, dress the characters up pretty much as they are now and even use the same vehicles.

I think the job is made harder by some of the things that set time periods apart in the past being less important now.   Hair styles for instance.  There is a clear distinction between the hair styles of 1964 and 1974 and again from 1974 to 1984 but I would argue that in general our general everyday hair styles are now pretty much the same as they were back in 1984 (and I’m not counting the trendy styles seen in film and on TV).  Ok there were a few differences but not as many.  The same with clothes: again look at the mid-60’s to the mid-70’s and then jump to the 90’s.  Yes it’s still possible to look at a TV programme or film from the early 90’s and see the style differences but they are less subtle.  I have worn jeans, t-shirts and trainers for a long time (not the same ones obviously and I do wash them occasionally ) but in general, the same style.  Watch something from ten years ago and you’ll not see much difference stylistically.

At this point I just have to talk about ties.  Just what are they all about?  Men have been wearing basically the same bit of cloth around their necks for a hundred or more years – but why?  What use do they have?  In the sixties the futuristic programmes showed a distinct lack of ties in the future, a future we are now in (think Space 1999 etc.) yet we still wear the things.  Of course they do have some uses: they are excellent devices for soaking up coffee or soup (and as long as they don’t dry out too fast you can refresh yourself later) but otherwise quite dangerous (always make sure you don’t dangle it in a shredder at least if you’re wearing a white shirt – red ones are much better in these situations).

The biggest difference that sets the decades apart is in the technology.  Mobiles/cell phones are getting bigger (which seem a bit of an anomaly really given how we laugh at the bricks from the ’90’s) and TV’s are now flat, thin large screened and can show programmes in HD and 3D (though for some reason you can still see Bruce Forsyth..).

There’s probably a lot more examples (and please feel free to mention them here) but the point is that where in the past the changes were big (black and white TV to Colour, short hair to long etc.) now they are small and subtle.

And so our future will look pretty much the same with similar if not the same buildings, populated by similarly dressed people but if you look closely…

Where Did the Time Go?

Firstly a profound apology – I once more find myself neglecting those who have supported me and followed me and helped me across the depths of cyberspace; I thought I’d post something up here only to notice that my last blog entry was November last year!  I did make a promise to be more proliferate (and I’d hoped the coffee would help get me back to that state of artistic enthusiasm I’d displayed before!).  But once again I let the real world – or at least the one that pays the bills and drives me to up the black coffee intake – push my artistic pursuits to one side.  And so I send you all my deepest apologies and I promise I will try.

Time does seem to slip like silky sand through my fingers, especially if I don’t keep an eye on things and all I wanted to achieve is left in a messy pile on the carpet (and it takes an age to vacuum it all up again).  So now I’m trying some positive thought to get me out of this ditch I fell into.  The sides looked far too steep to climb and for a while I was getting myself resigned to a life lived with the annoying pain of unfilled dreams.  The sides of the ditch seemed to be getting steeper and muddier and no matter how hard I tried to climb it just made my clothes damp and dirty and made me feel ever so tired and weary.

I’m not a religious person and I don’t believe in God (whichever God – and I know some of you do which is fine – I used to work for a Church based organisation of which there were several flavours of Christianity that some of my colleagues believed in so therefore in general religion was not discussed and therefore harmony was achieved).  I do believe in the power of people – it is within each of us a power for good and bad, an ability to create or destroy and that includes ourselves.  And so I started to try to believe in myself.

Now I’m not getting carried away, I’m not going to start thinking I’m the ‘new’ anything or any better than a million other people who write, sing, compose paint etc. but I am going to start believing that I have some talent, enough to continue and above all feel happy in it what I do.  Yes I’d love to have recognition which is where you wonderful people come in, a little bit of kindness and kind words go a long way.

In short I am trying to concentrate on the good things I have, to push those bad things to the back and not let their negative nagging get the better of me.  Well let’s see how it goes.

Coffee!

You will have to excuse me as I seem to be suffering or is that experiencing a little bit if a legal high!  I have been a fairly conservative drinker of different beverages for all my life with the usual liking for regular coffee (with milk), strongish tea (with milk) plain drinking chocolate and the odd flavoured variety of instant chocolates.  I have had periods of abstention from caffeine based liquids (especially when in my teens when I was particularly taken by the a lovely young lady whose religion enforced a rule that meant, meant, refraining from taking any drugs including coffee and tea – my bubble was well and truly burst when I saw her in the pub with a pint glass in one hand and a large unfiltered cigarette in the other!).

Recently I have started to experiment a little with drinks as part of my diet, trying to find a drink that is both interesting and tasty and at the same time keeps my wondering mind away from calorific food!  Yes that does mean I end up spending more time in the little room (or very little room in my house – it’s so small we call it the ‘porta-loo’) but at least I’m not piling on the pounds by munching on cake and biscuits etc.).

Anyway I have just discovered espresso coffee!  I did try it a long time ago and it tasted like thick bitter tar so I kept to the mild stuff.  But I thought to myself why not give it another go so I bought some instant espresso whilst out shopping and quite simply I love and want more!  The jar doesn’t give any clues as to the dose needed so I’m gradually increasing the number of spoons full needed (I’m on three heaped ones so far).

I don’t think it’s effected me too much and I don’t seem to be babbling too much and I do feel VERY awake.  I think now I’ve tried the instant stuff I may be able to take the full strength ‘real’ stuff they provide in  cafes and I may actually start to take special trips to try it…

Now I want to explore more, I need to find just the right taste, just the right flavour, just the right hit!  I was saving for Christmas (sorry I used the ‘C’ word but I find I can’t resist it as the TV is now full of adverts which will soak us all in the spirit of good will and cheer and give us all a painted on smile by December 1st) but think I may have to use that money to buy more very strong coffee!  Can you help any advice as to which is best?

Just one other question I need you fine friends to answer; is it possible to get a place in rehab if I try to dry out?

Anyway I need another cup I’ve not had one in the last ten minutes and I think my fingers are quivering just a touch and I need a hit to steady my tattered nerves!  See you soon! 🙂

Writer’s Block or Cowardice?

I’ve not managed to do any writing for a while but I’m not sure why.  I’m thinking it could be one of two things; either my fear of writing something turgid and banal or becoming too involved in the process that time dissolves and I have to break off at some point and come back down to the real world!

It’s the same with a few other things I ‘do’ like music: I love to compose my songs and time flies when I practice (and no I’m avoiding picking up my guitar too I’m afraid.

Once more the days grow shorter, the sun looses it’s strength and the season of ‘good will’ creeps towards us like a grinning fool full of mirth and promise.  I’ve not had the best of years and some of the negative things have left me feeling less than inspired so I can blame that for some of my ‘block’ but I will have to take the plunge at some point.  What do you think?

Unrequited

With a voice like ice on fire, melted to the virtual skin of a blood soaked threat
With a wit to sear the tone of deliverance and chill the bones of men
With a pain that breaks the heart and fills my eyes with tears
With a love that never wants  what you just can’t have

On Ones Own Visage

What do you think of yourself?  Are you comfortable in your own skin?  When you look at yourself in the mirror (presuming you can and many people can’t) who do you see?  I can look, in fact in order to shave without creating a scene from a Stephen King book in the bathroom it’s essential, but I always see something or somebody different.  It’s not a psychic thing, I’m not seeing faces of ghosts and I’m not getting confused with the window (which can be embarrassing especially if naked and is likely to either get me arrested or remind my neighbours that we haven’t had a huge amount of quality summer around these parts).

But each time I do look I can either wonder if shaving is possible eventually in total darkness or that yes perhaps I do have some semblance of normality and perhaps the ladies may get a treat when I’m out and about (if it’s dark and they have their glasses safely hidden in a pocket or bag).  The other day I looked in the mirror and saw my father, which is fine he’s not a monster and has in fairness given me a large number of genes so I will have some resemblance but my dad is now in his ’70’s.  So I saw my face really as I imagine it will look at around about the same age!  It was a slight shock but it was very early in the morning.

I tend to think I look younger than I am, I certainly feel a whole lot younger than I am and the grey has only just started to push through with fine silver hairs visible close up (though my eyebrows have been silver since several years back for some strange reason though if you glance they do look blond(ish)).  I still have a full head of hair though it is getting thinner especially at the front!  There is some history of being follicularly challenged on my father’s side but I’m holding out that my mother’s genes will be the stronger (my grandfather still had a fullish head of hair and my uncle still has his mostly in place).

Anyway back to that mirror.  I do not spend hours admiring myself in it.  I look when I need to and when I want to pull a few faces to see how many wrinkles appear and then stay in place!  I’d say that I look as though I was pushing towards my 40’s, especially now I’ve lost a few pounds (and am desperately trying to keep it off – it is soooo darned hard, the call of the chocolate is sooo loud and persistent!).  But maybe I’m kidding myself, I’ve never seen myself as a ‘catch’, more a middling kinda guy, not the ugliest man around but not a ‘hunk’; I’d not get picked to model jumpers for catalogues anyway!  If I was an actor I’d get the quirky interesting friend roles, I’d be a less manic (and slightly slimmer) Jack Black, or a more nerdy Kevin Bacon.

I’m an avid people watcher and sometimes I catch myself wondering what others see or do they even notice me?  I even catch myself wondering ‘do any of these ladies see a fanciable chap or are they close to reaching for a sick bag?’  Of course sheer statists mean that everybody will be ‘fanciable’ to somebody but it alway makes me feel slight uncomfortable if I notice somebody looking; I wonder if I’ve not dressed properly or perhaps I remind them of an old teacher or pet.  I even wonder if they have seen something resembling an attractive human being and their poor little tickers have missed a beat (I know I must have had this effect a couple of times, I have had a couple of girlfriends in my past life (before I had my wife and three children, a mortgage, a dog, a cat and fulltime job) but then I was a lot younger of course.  It also makes me feel a little guilty, I don’t know why.

So what do you see?