For a time it settles
A beautiful fully formed thing
A mystery a gift
For a moment it fills the air
With Gentle but vibrant colour
A life, natures kiss
Then it is gone
And all around seems bare empty
But remember the joy
Of a simple thing a miracle
Blow away
The melancholy mist
Let it always live
In a special corner
Where corn fields grow
A treasured thing to keep
And never more to miss
Filed under General
I now have conclusive proof that a star of yesterday, indeed a veritable god of the music hall , is now the guru of fashion for many teenage girls the world over!
It suddenly hit me on a little shopping trip with my lovely wife as she grazed the ladies section of Primark. I spent the time daydreaming as you do and nodding in all the right places (though it has to be said she nearly bought some quite garish leggings in a not very subtle mix of pink yellow and indigo).
As my mind meandered around various topics that included my next meal, if I’d ever get to mow the grass this year without risking electrocution and the intricate minutiae of world politics I noticed various gangs of young ladies, mobiles/cells clutched to breast, arms linked. They hunted in packs, orange faces aglow, each with matching ‘bun’ hairstyles (though they did have some variety with blonde, ginger or black colour quite popular) with lower extremities crammed into tight leggings that looked as though they’d had an argument with the feet department.
Some ladies did have quit sensible shoes (delicate sandals etc.) but others had quite plainly decided to were slightly heavier foot attire (just in case they were trampled by any careless heavy footed fellow shoppers I presume). And for the life of me I couldn’t at first decide what or who they looked like!
Then it hit me. Well slightly after my wife anyway – she didn’t appreciate the way my eyes were following the said lady gangs and being unable to read my mind had decided it was a lust thing rather than a puzzle thing! The slap across my face did the trick and lo and behold the face of Max Wall appeared!
Now dear old Max has not been with us since 1990 – 23 years can you believe it! So I very much doubt these fashion conscious young people will have heard of the comedian who died aged 82. Max’s trade mark silly walk and tight leggings made them roll with laughter for many years but how clever of some fashionista, some savvy young designer to see a market for such garb… now if only I could find another long-lost star to raise to these exalted heights of teenage coolness? Here are a few suggestions:
Jules Leotard (yes a real person before you scoff)
Sir George Robey
Jimmy Cricket?
Ah well lets see shall we and if you have any suggestions I would be ever so glad to see.
Some of you may be aware but I do a bit of singing and strumming of the old guitar. I’m not brilliant but I think I have something, enough to make me pick the thing up every couple of years and spend some time practicing with the general aim of getting out there and playing some tunes live, a gig or two maybe to feel the adrenaline pumping… Most of the time other things get in the way; real life mainly paying the bills, ids, wife, family, work, gardening, decorating, dog walking….
I suppose I do better than many who dream of rock’n’roll stardom but end up selling all their gear, sadly never to touch an e-string again. I’ve never given up just lowered my ambitions; I keep up a small sliver of hope (it’s hung in the loft next to my amps, bass and spare guitar) and try to maintain my MySpace, YouTube and other sites (though most of them are geared towards my writing mainly these days which looks likely to be as successful a personal endeavour as my musical one…). I did once have a lady comedian who’d actually appeared on TV (in an episode of Jonathan Creek none-the-less) pick one of my songs on MySpace for her song of the week! Ah stardom! You do hear of people being discovered, long-lost treasures hidden away but given the vast size of web these days as it groans under the weight of budding ‘stars’ I think I may have to wait a very long time to be discovered!
I decided the other day it was about time that I dipped back into my rock’n’roll days and get back in touch with Andy my sparring partner in my first band days round 1987 along with Will our guitarist. We started off without a real drummer but did have a wonderful little drum machine!
We were the Candidates for a short while and I managed to blag us some good gigs at the local Bradford Queens Hall – I felt quite brave marching in to the guy’s office – I forget his name but he later left the role under a very big black cloud. I still remember his thinning blond hair, white Miami Vice suit and thick glasses which magnified his eyes to an alarming size. Anyway he gave us a gig and it could have been quite a good one to tell our children about! We were down to support The Levellers who went on to score a few hits and quite a big following. Instead they pulled out (couldn’t take the competition I think) and instead we supported Jester Turtle (a South African band of who I can now find no record of existing apart from in the dusty corners of my mind – I remember tight zebra trousers and permed mullets and a vaguely Africa meets Abba feel to their music).
Andy was in the last band I played live with (apart from a quickly rehearsed works bands I fronted for a 40th party bash for a fellow colleague when we played Love is All Around). The Lost Patrol died in 1991 live on stage, thanks to the efforts of our drummer a thin mustachioed chap who decided he needed a pint or ten to play spot on. He was quite wrong of course, it did hinder his timing a touch and as he got faster and faster me and Andy tried and failed to keep up. We’d managed to fill the place, again the Bradford Queens Hall cellar bar, with 500 paying customers. This was partly down to an excellent write-up (by yours truly) hailing us as Bradford’s next big thing and to our support band’s larger group of supporters! We went on last of course and managed to clear the place in half an hour (it should have been at least an hour) which saved us having to sign any autographs afterwards and meant we could split the profits (a fiver each after costs – PA, security, rider etc – no we didn’t pay the drummer, in fact we never saw him again) and get home in time for a mug of cocoa and the 9 o’clock news!
I do have a record of my solo spot the night before – I’d not been able to get my band colleagues to agree to do a full gig so I did it alone (there was no money involved just a pint – I basically turned up, plugged in and played!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nYJkees9hs&feature=player_detailpage
The massive nerve induced headache subsided after about a week and I’ve only ever done solo spots since (apart from the one off gig mentioned above). And of course another local band stole our thunder and became the best band from Bradford or thereabouts – to be fair Terrorvision were a little more together than us and their drummer could keep time.
Back to Andy. He introduced me to a whole range of musical styles, a universe of artists I’d either only briefly heard of or not at all. He was heavily into eclectic music collecting and his tastes ranged from Stevie Nicks to Sonic Youth, Velvet Underground to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He was John Lennon to my Paul McCartney – I was the soft poppy guy he was the razors edge. I loved the way he played bass.
I’m now back in touch with him and I can’t believe it’s 26 years since we practiced in his basement. At least we tried and even though we didn’t make it we still have those memories of trying.
Anyway time to do some practice – and boy do I need it…
In my efforts to be more positive I was thinking the other day about what drives people and what the difference is between the also rans and the winners? And relating that to me personally.
Despite my singular lack of quantifiable success in my chosen arts of music and writing, for instance I have no published works as yet (other than a modified academic dissertation on the merits of blended learning – you can still find this if you look hard enough on the Internet – in fact I have just spent an hour searching and I can no longer find it..). But does that make me a failure?
I can point to several aspects of my character and events in my life that perhaps could give some clues as to why you don’t see me name plastered over bedroom walls or a hot topic on the entertainment news. For a start I’ve read countless accounts of how the successful person sacrificed a ‘normal’ life in the pursuit of success: no happy love life, no settling for the ‘easy’ life no friends… perhaps I wasn’t ruthless enough?
I did sack one of my drummers in my ‘band’ days – the guitarist was really good and told me he’d stay if we fired the drummer; I did and he didn’t. She was not the hottest drummer in the world and really just starting out. But we were not the new Beatles anyway and at that stage were struggling to get gigs at local retirement homes! She was very dedicated and I felt so bad I still have bad dreams about it to this day – where are you now Louie Moon (and yes that really was her name but unfortunately no relation to Keith)?
Dedication. That’s what it takes. Well I am dedicated and I’m still trying as I approach my mid-century. I’ve had to sacrifice a mad rush for a steady attack which probably means that even if I did have any musical talent I have probably missed the boat (it sailed without me and they’ve since built a tower block where the quay was – I’ve been trying to extract myself from the foundations but they make the cement pretty tough these days).
With my writing (as with my song writing) I sometimes get a kick and think ‘yes that’s pretty good somebody should like this I should be massive!’ but that only last about a minute or so then it’s back to the day job (and wondering if I should fix the toilet seat first, look at my petrol costs for the week and if I can afford a holiday to Blackpool or not this year or ask myself if I should really splash out on a new CD this week)?
So do the really successful people forget about the basics (leave the toilet seat broken and forget holidays to exotic locations)? I think there are many people, probably really talented ones who’ve done the sacrifice thing and ended up broken and with nothing; you only hear about the successful ones not those left begging on street corners or pushing an old shopping trolley babbling into their long crusty beards ‘I coulda been a contender… I coulda been a star..’.
I’m hoping I get discovered which really means having the ‘luck’; a much misunderstood word which does need a bit of talent (though from the number of ‘famous’ people these days who don’t seem to have a talent for anything other than being ‘famous’ I’m not too sure about that) and being in the right place (or slush pile my fellow writers) at the right time.
The stories of very successful writers who have submitted their now lauded work so many times they had a block booking with the post office, only for a secretary or cleaner to rescue their magnum opus from the bin (and then have a word with the boss) is heart warming (but probably very rare – perhaps there may be a little more chance of a dodo being discovered in London Zoo posing as a penguin?).
Of course there are many people out there fooling themselves that they are the next big thing and perhaps they are wasting their lives plugging away with the vain hope that somebody will recognise their undoubted talent? Am I one of those? Well the point is I wouldn’t know (I’m really half way on this – sometimes I do find myself dreaming but usually another voice pops up and verbally slaps me awake).
I think with a little more time I have enough talent to get published and even if I don’t I like writing. I expect to spend my life doing exactly what I’m doing now and I don’t expect to get anywhere but that won’t stop me. And you never know some cleaner may see my manuscript and not use it to mop up her spilt coffee. Chances are though I’ll stay a very exclusive artist. Thank you and good night you’ve been a lovely audience – now where did I put my trolley?
(You an also find some positive success stories relating to my work here: http://www.connectingforhealth.nhs.uk/systemsandservices/icd/informspec/etd/tqicasestudies/northstaffs.pd – I’m still looking for my academic document…)
Filed under General
You will have to excuse me as I seem to be suffering or is that experiencing a little bit if a legal high! I have been a fairly conservative drinker of different beverages for all my life with the usual liking for regular coffee (with milk), strongish tea (with milk) plain drinking chocolate and the odd flavoured variety of instant chocolates. I have had periods of abstention from caffeine based liquids (especially when in my teens when I was particularly taken by the a lovely young lady whose religion enforced a rule that meant, meant, refraining from taking any drugs including coffee and tea – my bubble was well and truly burst when I saw her in the pub with a pint glass in one hand and a large unfiltered cigarette in the other!).
Recently I have started to experiment a little with drinks as part of my diet, trying to find a drink that is both interesting and tasty and at the same time keeps my wondering mind away from calorific food! Yes that does mean I end up spending more time in the little room (or very little room in my house – it’s so small we call it the ‘porta-loo’) but at least I’m not piling on the pounds by munching on cake and biscuits etc.).
Anyway I have just discovered espresso coffee! I did try it a long time ago and it tasted like thick bitter tar so I kept to the mild stuff. But I thought to myself why not give it another go so I bought some instant espresso whilst out shopping and quite simply I love and want more! The jar doesn’t give any clues as to the dose needed so I’m gradually increasing the number of spoons full needed (I’m on three heaped ones so far).
I don’t think it’s effected me too much and I don’t seem to be babbling too much and I do feel VERY awake. I think now I’ve tried the instant stuff I may be able to take the full strength ‘real’ stuff they provide in cafes and I may actually start to take special trips to try it…
Now I want to explore more, I need to find just the right taste, just the right flavour, just the right hit! I was saving for Christmas (sorry I used the ‘C’ word but I find I can’t resist it as the TV is now full of adverts which will soak us all in the spirit of good will and cheer and give us all a painted on smile by December 1st) but think I may have to use that money to buy more very strong coffee! Can you help any advice as to which is best?
Just one other question I need you fine friends to answer; is it possible to get a place in rehab if I try to dry out?
Anyway I need another cup I’ve not had one in the last ten minutes and I think my fingers are quivering just a touch and I need a hit to steady my tattered nerves! See you soon! 🙂
Filed under General
I’ve not managed to do any writing for a while but I’m not sure why. I’m thinking it could be one of two things; either my fear of writing something turgid and banal or becoming too involved in the process that time dissolves and I have to break off at some point and come back down to the real world!
It’s the same with a few other things I ‘do’ like music: I love to compose my songs and time flies when I practice (and no I’m avoiding picking up my guitar too I’m afraid.
Once more the days grow shorter, the sun looses it’s strength and the season of ‘good will’ creeps towards us like a grinning fool full of mirth and promise. I’ve not had the best of years and some of the negative things have left me feeling less than inspired so I can blame that for some of my ‘block’ but I will have to take the plunge at some point. What do you think?
My last poem went down quite well – it’s ages since I wrote a batch of ‘poetry’ – when I was a teenager I used to write reams of the stuff and almost (I know we can all say almost about a lot of things) had one published in a compilation by the name of ‘Spongers’ – this was a short tome by the unemployed for the unemployed about being skint and, well, unemployed! It wasn’t the jolliest of books, or wouldn’t have been had it seen the light of day! Ah well, thank goodness for the Internet.
Anyway I feel like giving you another poem today… sorry but it has to come out somewhere 🙂
Free Speech
If I hold my head like so
And pull my mind apart
Will you hear my voice and see my soul
And break my bleeding tender heart
If I open my eyes and look around
And see the million things you try to hide
With brittle pain I will fall down
And tell the world you lied
If I try to see all there is to see
Will I die from shock
Is this all there is to be with me
On this barren broken rock
If I kiss you with my tender lips
And walk away with fear
Will I ever get to see or know
The voice I long to hear
The End
Filed under General
Something tells me when it’s time
To twist the sense and toe the line
When the clock strikes twelve all hell breaks loose
And dare the one who has to choose
From wilting weed to stormy weather
The man who tames the winter heather
Do you hate to feel the pull
Of every vicious loaded gun
Do you love to know the pain
When thrashing through the icy rain
There once was a man who fell and cried
There once was a man who almost died
Is life so hard to understand
When death and love go hand in hand
Raw is the love that settles the heart
That stings the man who cannot part
From every mother’s lover’s son
I only wish that I was that one
That won the love and every single eternal hour
Could feel the precious thrill of your raw power!
Filed under General
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