Tag Archives: blog

Over, Under, Sideways Down

Over time I often find

The little things I left behind

Under rocks the crawly things

A world of seething wriggling life

Sideways glances withering looks

My word my heart a hidden nook

Down down a spiralling chase

Will I forgive that mocking face

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The Little White Lie

And so I now find myself in a land I don’t know, a dimension where the laws of physics or some such mystical nonsense no longer hold sway.  It must have been while I slept.  Perhaps it was those greys the little blighters, deciding a trans-dimensional shift was the order of the day ignoring ritual back passage shenanigans (they must get very bored and to be honest I’m sure it’s a chore).

In my previous existence not telling the truth was a sin of a sort and not looked upon as a way to influence people, make friends or get a job.  In fact one sniff of such dishonesty and your copy book was blighted, burned and the ashes scattered.  A little white lie could be just as damaging as a dirty big honker (though a million plus parents will tell you differently I’m sure, it’s all down to the situation and season).

Here it’s different. In fact the bigger the lie, the more outrageously crass, the bigger the reward.  It’s as though the lie becomes invisible, it becomes a mis-truth which we all know boys and girls is not the same thing as a lie, it’s cosy and smart and smiles a smile you just have to forgive… Or forget.

I’m in bed by 6:00 most nights, I leave the window wide open. Those big eyed guys from the far flung galaxy – where a trip to earth is like a holiday at Butlins (but with extra bodily embarrassing games that make carrying a water filled balloon clenched between straining buttocks look safe) – are welcome to come back and take me home.

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Max Wall – The New Style Guru!

I now have conclusive proof that a star of yesterday, indeed a veritable god of the music hall , is now the guru of fashion for many teenage girls the world over!

It suddenly hit me on a little shopping trip with my lovely wife as she grazed the ladies section of Primark.  I spent the time daydreaming as you do and nodding in all the right places (though it has to be said she nearly bought some quite garish leggings in a not very subtle mix of pink yellow and indigo).

As my mind meandered around various topics that included my next meal, if I’d ever get to mow the grass this year without risking electrocution and the intricate minutiae of world politics I noticed various gangs of young ladies, mobiles/cells clutched to breast, arms linked.  They hunted in packs, orange faces aglow, each with matching ‘bun’ hairstyles (though they did have some variety with blonde, ginger or black colour quite popular) with lower extremities crammed into tight leggings that looked as though they’d had an argument with the feet department.

Some ladies did have quit sensible shoes (delicate sandals etc.)  but others had quite plainly decided to were slightly heavier foot attire (just in case they were trampled by any careless heavy footed fellow shoppers I presume).  And for the life of me I couldn’t at first decide what or who they looked like!

Then it hit me.  Well slightly after my wife anyway – she didn’t appreciate the way my eyes were following the said lady gangs and being unable to read my mind had decided it was a lust thing rather than a puzzle thing!  The slap across my face did the trick and lo and behold the face of Max Wall appeared!

Now dear old Max has not been with us since 1990 – 23 years can you believe it!  So I very much doubt these fashion conscious young people will have heard of the comedian who died aged 82.  Max’s trade mark silly walk and tight leggings made them roll with laughter for many years but how clever of some fashionista, some savvy young designer to see a market for such garb…  now if only I could find another long-lost star to raise to these exalted heights of teenage coolness?  Here are a few suggestions:

Jules Leotard (yes a real person before you scoff)

Sir George Robey

Jimmy Cricket?

Ah well lets see shall we and if  you have any suggestions I would be ever so glad to see.

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All Around the World!

Hi all just a quick one today!  I was looking at the stats WordPress supply and noticed that over the last year I’d had hits from all over the world, 30 countries in total!  That is an amazing thought that a few of my simple words can be seen and read anywhere in the world!  There are not an amazing number of people reading my prose just a large spread of relatively few people but none-the-less I’d have struggled massively before the world of the Internet and the blog to get anyone to read my meanderings let alone people as far afield as Malaysia, Canada and Australia!

Anyway as a little experiment if you read this can you just add a short comment to say ‘Hi’ and tell me where you’re from?

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Perception of Time (A Personal Perspective)

I’m sat writing this as I look out across my garden (it actually looks ok, I’ve done the lawn and the weeding and it no longer looks abandoned).  The sun is sending shards of warmth through the trees, light is soaking through the window and the sky is a lovely metallic blue.  But I feel sad.  Mainly that’s because I’m a grumpy old man but it’s also because time is ticking away fast and it won’t be very long now, soon we can look forward to the wonders of winter: long dark cold nights, the threat of snow and ice and of course the ‘C’ word!

Yes I do love some aspects of winter.  I like the snow on a sunny day and building snowmen, I love the power of nature but wouldn’t it be good if we could just plan it a little better?  Perhaps book it for a few days at a time or over the holidays?  Then make it go when we needed to travel or get somewhere?

But doesn’t it seem such a short time since last winter?  I remember as though it was only yesterday wondering when it could ever get warm, when I could stop scraping ice of my car window, when I could put my winter undies away?  I’m sure it lasted all the way into May!  And now we are on the cusp again!

When I was a child (a state of affairs that seems to be receding fast) I am sure a year stretched out so far in my life?  The gap between one Christmas (drat I said the word) and the next was so long a boy could grow several inches, loose his girly voice and start to shave!   Summer holidays were extremely long periods, part boredom, part adventure (wonderful mornings of Champion the Wonder Horse, The Flashing Blade and being able to sleep in a little).  Now those six weeks go in a flash!

Of course there is scientific reason for all this and you can read lots on the perceptions of time and space which is all well and good but as I sit here (the sun is still bathing me in heat and my family are now stirring, which means a shattering of peace very soon) after a weekend that has once more flown by like a plummeting stone I wish they’d use that scientific knowledge to help us older people (basically anyone over 20) stretch time when we needed it (without causing any health problems of course).  I’m sure there’s a Sci Fi story in there (and perhaps dear readers you could point me towards them so I can at least fantasize).

Anyway I have to get my de-icer ready and find my long johns.  Enjoy the Autumn.

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