A Perception of Age

How old do you feel, how old do you think and how old do you look?  Each have their different perspective’s and differing answers I imagine.

Me well I feel different ages on different days depending on the circumstances, so today I feel about 60 give a take a few years either way; of course not being 60 and being a good decade away from that age I can’t know exactly how that feels (and for those of you that are around about this venerable age I welcome your thoughts on being 60 ish).  Basically I feel older than I am, a touch weary and my bones ache from the inside out.

My mind thinks I’m about 25 though sometimes I will admit to nearly 30; I’m conscious of being a little different, I’ve had nearly 30 years of existence and experience and that has to have some effect but my core self is still the same if a little jaded at the edges.

I think I look younger than I am (though when I grow a beard full of gingery white and grey bits I think I look way older!).  If I had to put an age to me I’d say late 30’s early 40’s but I could be fooling myself; if I look in the mirror after a particularly bad day I would amend that to match how I probably feel at that moment (matching the above).

I love to observe other people and I often wonder how old people are.  I am often surprised when I learn the real ages of people which usually tend to be younger than I originally imagined.  Sometimes it’s greying hair that does it which always adds a few years.  Other times it may well be a weathered face and many times the ravages of years of smoking can make a person age sooner.

I often, like many teenagers, worried about my acne but now I learn that this was actually a benefit, my skin having a touch more natural lubrication is now still soft (and still a pain to shave, it is very rare I scrape my face and don’t end up with little red  blotches of blood).  I suppose it’s the Ying and Yang of life, a natural balance.  But I can see the bags developing and I don’t think I’ll be able to claim a younger age for long, my really age is slowly dragging my imagined one up to it.

How old are you?

Max Wall – The New Style Guru!

I now have conclusive proof that a star of yesterday, indeed a veritable god of the music hall , is now the guru of fashion for many teenage girls the world over!

It suddenly hit me on a little shopping trip with my lovely wife as she grazed the ladies section of Primark.  I spent the time daydreaming as you do and nodding in all the right places (though it has to be said she nearly bought some quite garish leggings in a not very subtle mix of pink yellow and indigo).

As my mind meandered around various topics that included my next meal, if I’d ever get to mow the grass this year without risking electrocution and the intricate minutiae of world politics I noticed various gangs of young ladies, mobiles/cells clutched to breast, arms linked.  They hunted in packs, orange faces aglow, each with matching ‘bun’ hairstyles (though they did have some variety with blonde, ginger or black colour quite popular) with lower extremities crammed into tight leggings that looked as though they’d had an argument with the feet department.

Some ladies did have quit sensible shoes (delicate sandals etc.)  but others had quite plainly decided to were slightly heavier foot attire (just in case they were trampled by any careless heavy footed fellow shoppers I presume).  And for the life of me I couldn’t at first decide what or who they looked like!

Then it hit me.  Well slightly after my wife anyway – she didn’t appreciate the way my eyes were following the said lady gangs and being unable to read my mind had decided it was a lust thing rather than a puzzle thing!  The slap across my face did the trick and lo and behold the face of Max Wall appeared!

Now dear old Max has not been with us since 1990 – 23 years can you believe it!  So I very much doubt these fashion conscious young people will have heard of the comedian who died aged 82.  Max’s trade mark silly walk and tight leggings made them roll with laughter for many years but how clever of some fashionista, some savvy young designer to see a market for such garb…  now if only I could find another long-lost star to raise to these exalted heights of teenage coolness?  Here are a few suggestions:

Jules Leotard (yes a real person before you scoff)

Sir George Robey

Jimmy Cricket?

Ah well lets see shall we and if  you have any suggestions I would be ever so glad to see.

The Human Machine

Has it ever occurred to you how much like machines we are?  In fact there is lot indicating that we are in fact biological machines with a built-in mechanism for shutting down.  We need fuel to keep going, need repairing when parts of us fail and even go rusty (well in the joints anyway).  Unfortunately we can’t be kept running forever and once you shut down there is no way of starting you back up again, even if you got a full restoration.

There are probably some really good Sci Fi stories out there about this and those of you with a Creationist belief will point to the creator of these ‘human’ machines (or animal machines as all creatures great and small share at least a large part of the same design; I’ll conveniently forget here about those that seem to exist for a very long time, micro-organisms like the corals etc. – there’s a good long list here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_long-living_organisms – or Bruce Forsyth, Cliff Richard et al).

I believe in evolution and the wonderous process that has resulted in such marvelous biological designs but what if we were designed and built with a good self-replication mechanism?  Is there anything you think could have been designed better and why?  I know my wife didn’t suffer as much as some women do with pregnancy and child-bearing but is it really the best way to reproduce?  And what about the male reproductive tackle – does it have to be in such a sensitive and unprotected place?

We as humans naturally presume we are the pinnacle of evolution or God’s creation but what creatures have a better design do you think?

I’ll go for cats who as we all know actually own us (especially my cat Oliver who has me so very well-trained as I’ve discussed here before).  You could argue that they are still prone to cruelty from we ‘superior humans’ but even so if you’re ‘owned’ by a good human life can be pretty near perfect (pun intended).

I think the insect world could arguably be as good or superior to humanity especially ants etc. who live in well organised societies.  Yes they can still be wiped out by us humans but I think we only inflict damage not total destruction.  And given the number of people on this little blue planet it could also be argued that we are a ‘swarm’, similar to the locusts that sweep across landscapes the world over.  There is certainly a lot of evidence that we’ve changed the planet, sometimes to the detriment of other life forms far more than any other creature.

Right now I need to go tackle some ants in my garden.  There is a war going on and I think they may just be winning  but as long as I can stop them getting in the jam I’ll be happy (I don’t mind the pips but I draw a line at crunchy ant parts – I am a vegetarian after all).

Animal Tales

Once upon a time in a land of people with voices honeyed with the grit of the north and peppered with the laconic wit of the midlands, a man was teased and tortured by the beasts that dwelled within his home.

The king was a mild looking creature of pure white fluff but his eyes could either drown a person in love or instill fear in equal measure.  Oliver ruled with an iron paw, his sabre sharp claws always ready to extend and gently taunt the poor man.  The very worst part of the man’s day was usuallly in the early hours when the rest of the world was at peace and the silver moon sent gentle light through the partly open curtains.

The king was often inpatient for his morning meal and a gentle stroll in his grounds.  The man needed to serve not slumber so several jabs and a couple of well aimed head-butts were all that were needed to get the servant up and moving.

The rest of the beasts were less controlling though the dog could use his big doleful eyes to wind the man around his paw digits, the budgie used constant high-pitched instruction to wear him down and the hamster simply stared, and stared and stared!

All Around the World!

Hi all just a quick one today!  I was looking at the stats WordPress supply and noticed that over the last year I’d had hits from all over the world, 30 countries in total!  That is an amazing thought that a few of my simple words can be seen and read anywhere in the world!  There are not an amazing number of people reading my prose just a large spread of relatively few people but none-the-less I’d have struggled massively before the world of the Internet and the blog to get anyone to read my meanderings let alone people as far afield as Malaysia, Canada and Australia!

Anyway as a little experiment if you read this can you just add a short comment to say ‘Hi’ and tell me where you’re from?

Writer’s Block or Cowardice?

I’ve not managed to do any writing for a while but I’m not sure why.  I’m thinking it could be one of two things; either my fear of writing something turgid and banal or becoming too involved in the process that time dissolves and I have to break off at some point and come back down to the real world!

It’s the same with a few other things I ‘do’ like music: I love to compose my songs and time flies when I practice (and no I’m avoiding picking up my guitar too I’m afraid.

Once more the days grow shorter, the sun looses it’s strength and the season of ‘good will’ creeps towards us like a grinning fool full of mirth and promise.  I’ve not had the best of years and some of the negative things have left me feeling less than inspired so I can blame that for some of my ‘block’ but I will have to take the plunge at some point.  What do you think?

On The Nature of Existence

I was worrying last week about age and I’m glad to tell you that today I’m managing just to keep away from the mirror.  It’s not that I spend a long time in front of the reflecting device, in fact as little time as possible so I don’t have to dwell on the sagging jowls, spreading crows feet and travel bags packed with stones that hang loosely beneath my red eyes.

This week I have more worrying concerns to occupy my time.  No it’s not money or sex or food or even the state of the world – although I will admit to being a touch worried about all those things at some point since my last communication (mainly food as I’m still dieting – I’m craving a double chocolate muffin with plain chocolate chips and chocolate sauce oozing deliciously from it as I raise it to my hungry mouth…).

Where was I?  Oh yes my biggest niggling worry?  Existence.  Have you ever thought to yourself, can I really tell if this is all a dream, would I know if I was asleep or awake?  Perhaps I’m in some kind of coma and my mind has built a construct of such detail that I’m living a life full of people, places and things from my imagination.  Well if I am all I can say is I wish I had a little bit more imagination, one where I had just a little more money, a little more play and a lot less work and I could munch chocolate cake until it made me sick (but didn’t add any inches to my waist).

Apparently we all build a model of the world which we carry around in our noggins until the end of our days.  And nobody knows exactly how another human sees the world.  All our models could be completely different but unless somebody develops a way to ‘mind jump’ then we’ll never know.

I’m feeling a touch paranoid.  Have you seen Red Dwarf (and for you non-sci fi savvy non-uk based non Dwarfers this is a little BBC programme with quite a cult following, a comedy about a guy who is the last human, stranded aboard the good ship Red Dwarf with a cat, a hologram and an android – the special effects were excellent for the £5 per episode budget, but that wasn’t the point, the comedy was in the timing), the best ever episode involved the crew awaking from a false reality machine, the adventures had all been a ‘dream’ with each crew member taking on an alternative self.  There was a catch at the end but just in case you ever see it I won’t spoil it.  Knowing my luck I’d be even less cool than I am already (I’d be Duane Dibbly – you’ll need to look this up to get the full meaning)!

So am I dreaming, do I really exist or am I just a character in somebody elses book or a character in a cheap computer game (one of those that you can get for pennies)?  And on that note, for now, I’m shutting my program down for a few days but I’ll be back soon if you eat that cheese before bedtime or watch that really boring documentary again!